I see doctors as caring persons, one of the most caring people, in fact. There are doctors who treat people regardless if they have money or not. There are some who specialize on diseases so that they can better understand how to help others and make our lives better. Some doctors even travel the world so that they can help other people from different places without even asking for anything in return. I see doctors talk to patients, encourage them, comfort them and give them new chances for a better life. I see doctors not only as healers but also givers of hope. They build these special relationships with patients that give them the power to make people feel better even if it’s just a little, no matter how short their encounter may be. These kinds of people, these kinds of doctors made me want to become one too.
I had always envisioned myself traveling from place to place, meeting different races, facing different diseases and discovering new ways to help others. I want to become one of those doctors I look up to. I want to be someone who be looked up to and be an inspiration to another person so that he’d want to help others too, just like how I have. I worked hard and did my best in everything I do to achieve this dream. I can say with full honesty that I have given my all so that I will be one of the most caring people I can be.
Surgeons, on the other hand, I see differently. Although they are very caring, I see them as a fiercer version of doctors who does not perform surgery. Surgeons are like soldiers to me, they take more risks to protect people. In their hands, they hold countless lives every time they enter the operating room. But even with their fierceness, they are gentle. One move can save a patient; one mistake can end a life. I revere them for their courage to open up a person, have the confidence to operate with delicateness and have the right attitude to face failures and loss of life. Just like doctors, I want to have the characteristics of a good surgeon. With this, I could help everyone I care about and I can even provide assistance to others to make their lives better.
With everything I said in mind, I pursued my dreams of helping others and making their lives better. I am on my way to realizing my goal and will be doing an internship at NYU in surgery. As expected, I am excited with this new step to achieving my dream. I have prepared mentally, emotionally and physically for this. I reviewed my skills, my knowledge of what I will do and my outlook to make sure that I am well equipped with everything I need. And now I know I am ready.
The first days of internship was hard because I had to cope up with the fast paced happenings of everyday lives at the hospital. But as days passed, I have become at ease with my surroundings and have been part of the staff of the hospital. I was learning a lot during this internship, not only intellectually but also emotionally. I have come to understand the protocols of hospitals not only by mind but also by heart. I have understood how to deal with patients, how to instruct others to do what is asked and how to act accordingly based on what is happening. All this cannot be learned in books or in lectures. It has to be learned by experience.
The day I assisted in surgery finally came and I am really optimistic about it. Like the first days in my internship, I was nervous but prepared. Everything went well in terms of skill enhancement and learning new techniques, procedures and other things about surgery. But during my internship, I also realized some matters that bothered me.
At the start of this memoir, I have explained how I see doctors and surgeons, how I have been so optimistic about them. I was wrong. Not all doctors and surgeons are the way I have envisioned them. Some of them are not idealistic. Some of them don’t even see their job as something special. For them, it’s just a regular day job, something that has to be done in order to maintain their lifestyle or to get paid. I was disappointed, to say the least. It was worse with surgeons. Some of them treat the patients as merely bodies to be fixed. They do not treat them the way I have always thought they would.
Although I have realized unpleasant things about the world of surgery, this did not dampen my spirit to become someone who would be looked up to and be an inspiration to others. I tried to think of reasons why some surgeons and doctors act the way they do. One of the reasons I have come to believe is that it is also hard for them to do their jobs if they get emotional. For instance, a surgeon who did everything he could to save a patient he truly cared about and have known well but still failed may experience tremendous emotional turmoil and may even think he lost the ability to save other human lives. He may stop believing in himself and this will affect others as well. Maybe, if they do not invest emotionally on patients, they can deal with loss better. Or if they limit their proximity with patients, their judgment will not be clouded by emotions thus making better decisions. As for some doctors and surgeons not being optimistic and idealistic, I think it is their way of coping up with disappointment. After all, not all things always end up well. I also think that by always thinking of the unpleasant things, one will strive more to prevent it from happening and will think of ways to make everything better.
No matter their reasons may be, my resolve is still as strong as before. I will strive to be better, I will be optimistic about things no matter how hard things may get and I will never settle for anything less that the best when it comes to me dealing with other people. This way, no matter how many disappointments may come, no matter how difficult matters get, I will know that I have tried everything and I did my best. I will know that I have been good to my fellow people and that I will never get disheartened by my failures, instead it will make me strive harder.